"I have measured out my life with coffee spoons." T.S. Eliot 1919

Image: Recently sold on eBay.

Each morning when I wake up I go to my medication box and think of the passing days. Today is Saturday and I thought, another week gone. 

I always think of the poem by T.S. Eliot, The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, 1919. 
"I have measured out my life with coffee spoons."

And then I get my coffee and think of the upcoming week and what we will be facing then. This is a sad day for me. The five year anniversary of Bill's TBI, and the beginning of a life that has been changed for me forever.

I would love to have purchased these spoons, but I think 7 would have been a perfect number. One for each of the days of the week, the days that I count so preciously.  I reread the poem this morning as I looked for that line that lives in my head. 

Living with brain injury

Life is short, and just like the days of winter, getting shorter day by day.  Bill survived his injury and for that I am happy and blessed.  Now I am working on surviving his injury.  The Selfish Pigs Guide to Caring would not think that sounded selfish but I do.  The feelings of who we were, what our goals and dreams were and now lost, the aging process itself have all taken a heavy toll.  Not just on me.  On both of our families and friends.

Traumatic brain injury is a tragic problem and growing in our country daily.  We know that Rep. Giffords will receive the best care possible, as did Bob Woodruff of ABC News who was injury in Iraq.  They both have resources  available to them that will lead to the best possible outcome for them and their families.  But it will still be a struggle day by day.

Someone reminded me yesterday, what about those out there, like Bill and I, who do not have those resources.  Day by day, we make decisions based on medical opinions of our doctors, and learn as much as we can about receiving services and medications that are needed, while trying to stay afloat financially. "The system" they call it, is not always easy to navigate.

I know other parents and spouses who care for and live with their loved one.  I see a haunted look in their eyes, that only others who know what they go through daily can see.  I can see it in Rep. Giffords' face in the photos of him holding his wife's hand.  When I see this look, I look away.  It is a reflection of my own internal struggle, where do we go next? What do we do today? Making plans longer than a day away is difficult.

Another cup of coffee

It's time for me to measure out another spoon of coffee for the drip maker.  Bill will be up soon, and we enjoy our breakfast time together.  At 9 degrees today, I think it will be another inside day for Bill and I.  As always, this was one of those days when I appreciate you being here.

Below is a link to the complete poem if you are interested in reading it, with a well done analysis by Paul Brians

Department of English
Washington State University
Pullman 99164-5020

http://www.wsu.edu/~wldciv/world_civ_reader/world_civ_reader_2/eliot.html

A link to the Bob Woodruff Foundation follows, an organization that works with wounded veterans who have returned from this war. http://remind.org/