Three women and no baby: Caregiving with friends

This lovely lady in front of my door is over 90 and a dear friend.

This lovely lady lives upstairs in our building for active 50+ adults. Many of us are active, but some are more frail than others.  My friend played golf in Florida for 30 years before it got too hard on them to drive from New York each year. 

She is just over 90 and her dear husband just had his 93rd birthday.  They celebrated a 70 year anniversary recently.  Can you imagine?

She is a tiny little thing, who can only hear in one ear, and only see with one eye.  But she smiles, and crabs, and keeps on moving. She and Bill share their frustration with loud gatherings because it so hard to hear that they may as well stay home. And they do.

He is over 6 feet tall, and she must be well under 5'.  Even though these two bicker and fight over the littlest things, but who is say what it takes to be married to the same person for 70 years.  She broke her tiny wrist and arm a couple of years ago and has not regained the strength in that arm...the right arm, of course. The one she needs. But together they are one solid person.  What she cannot do, he does. She can mix up a cake from scratch, but he has to put it in and out of the oven. She can wash a load of clothes, but he has to remove them to go to the drier.  He peels the potatoes and carrots and she makes the meat.  The shop together and help each other with the bags and basket. They are a team. 

He is a big man with a heart of gold. He fell yesterday morning. His legs had been bothering him and it just could not hold him and down he went at 4 a.m. I heard the walking upstairs and realized it had to be EMT's. Sadly, I am getting too use to the sound. When I heard what had to be a stretcher I grabbed my robe and went up to check on my people upstairs. I have 5 close friends in the wing above us, and was worried it was for one of them.

I met their son at the stairs, and he said his Mom was coming down the hall soon. I hurried to her door and helped her downstairs. She was shaking as she walked, being as stoic as I have ever seen. He is her rock.

I received a call from her yesterday afternoon to please come up. Our other friend was there and we could have a glass of wine and she would fill me in on the day at the hospital. He is being treated for an infection, and should be recovered and home in a few days, after he gets himself walking again with that darn walker, she said.  This happened a year or so ago, and he was home quickly. 

The three of us ladies sat with a glass of wine and toasted each other. The other friend has husband who will soon be 92, and he is experiencing some health problems that are worrying her very much right now.  They both still bowl every week, and the smiles on their faces are amazing.

So the three caregiver spouses sipped our wine, shook our head and said let's get these three men well. It is our goal. The phone rang and it was one of the son's checking in on her his Mom.  They have 5 great children who love them both so much.  Bill saw the signal on the phone to call me when he woke, and I was glad that he did. I hugged my friend who was no longer shaking, and made her promise to eat, and the other one promise to make her.  They both nodded. I bet they had another glass of wine instead.

Caregiving is a way of life around here.  We are all in this together.  We care for our friends, our spouses, our children, our parents.  Accepting that love and care go hand in hand makes it so much easier to get a foothold on the day.  And I look forward to the day my friend upstairs brings her husband home. They can bicker all they want. When they chips are down, they are there for each other. God Bless them both.

(I have left out names because these people all deserve that confidentiality.)