Getting A Foothold

Day 8: Opportunities to Grow: Status Quo on Leap Year

2012-02-29T00:01:00.002-05:00

I had written today's blog when it occurred to me it was Leap Year! Happy Leap Day 2012!

What better opportunity to grow than a free day! As we know, once every four year we slide this day in to even out our calendar. I will admit to have forgotten the details, but I am happy to say I am here today.

Things around home are status quo. No medical crisis, a trip to the school and a doctor appointment. Tomorrow we have an appointment I hate to cancel, but we are expecting, yet again, a MODERATE snow fall. 6-12 inches! I will be in hibernation mode at that point. We will be driving home as the snow hits, and hopefully will be in our shelter before there is too much out there. Have I mentioned that I hate driving? I do. I hate it.

Here is an official definition of Leap Year from Did You Know ?

It takes the earth one day to complete one spin on its axis. The time it takes the earth to complete one trip around the sun is a year. But these units of time don’t divide evenly, resulting in our calendar year being 365 days, 5 hours, 48 minutes and a little over 45 seconds long. Every 4 years we take those extra hours and minutes and fit it in an extra day, on February 29th, which we call Leap Day. Every fourth year thus is Leap Year. If we did not have the extra day every 4 years, in 100 years our calendar would be off by 24 days. http://didyouknow.org/leap-year/

So girls, I do remember the one rule we learned in grade school. On leap year day, February 29, a girl was allowed to ask her man to marry her. I don't know anyone who ever did that, but it was a funny tradition. We all giggled back then.

My opportunity to grow today is to keep smiling, keep forgiving, keep seeking forgiveness. And to say thank you much more often. Oh yes and to cook dinner at least twice this week! I did that this week and survived. Maybe next week I will try for three nights!

Since all is Status Quo here, I thought I would end with a song by a band with the same name. I discovered them on spell check! This has always been one of my favorite songs, made famous of course by the great Chuck Berry. Do yourself a favor and listen to this song...it will make for a very Happy Leap Year 2012~

Day 7: Opportunities to Grow: Happy Birthday Lavinia Dickinson

2012-02-28T08:48:00.000-05:00

I was reading a silly thriller yesterday, and the boy says to his uncle as they were hightailing it out of down, "If you see a crop-duster, duck!"

That is from the Alfred Hitchcock film with Cary Grant front 1959. It also describes my day yesterday. Not sure what opportunities to grow are lurking outside today as we head to the college, but I know we will do the best we can.

I know today is the birthday of Emily Dickinson's sister, Lavinia. What I know of Lavinia, besides she had a slew of cats, was that she was the best sister, the best ally, the best friend any writing poet could every have.

After Emily's death, when she found her stash of hidden booklets filled with the most unique poems at the time, she became her sisters Champion. Couldn't we all use someone like her in our life?

I am not a cat person. Bill rescued one from the street one day, a kitten, who was tossed out of a moving car. It made him mad and broke his heart. He brought the kitten home, and we all lived peacefully until the kitten tried to eat the parakeets. I guess if you know what a bird person Bill is, what happened next. We found a home for the kitten, and the birds sang on!

Here is a photo of the two little sweeties.

Photo by Ginger Bristow Gaitor

Just Good Friends. From the album Patience, by Peter Hammill

2012-02-27T21:24:00.000-05:00

Some beautiful music with some very poetic language. Music is its own poetry I believe. It has its own melody and movement that we either catch or miss it completely. Thanks to a fellow blogger for the introduction to this interesting voice.

After a day requiring great patience a number of times, this melodic sound soothed me into a peaceful state. Between seizures, a staff person missing in action, and those who pleaded with us to trust them, no where in sight.

Trust is a costly commodity. And once broken, must be re-earned.

A visit from a family member today set things into balance. How I would have loved for him to stay. To talk of the world far away. But he had to be traveling on his own journey.

A visit from the nurse kept things on target for renewed health for Bill. He is his own best healer.

All the while, the music and melody soothed me. The song ends: Are we still good friends? Only you can answer that for me.

<p>&amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;gt;Beautiful voice with some very opetic language&amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;gt;</p>

Beauty amongst a tangled mess

2012-02-27T19:54:00.002-05:00

I saw the moon and stars highlighted on the evening news. I had to get the camera which was low on battery and then the clouds came. I had a nice shot out front, but not close enough. When I went out the back door into the woods, I saw this lovely sight and numerous stars. I had missed seeing stars and am so glad they are back in my life.

Good night moon...

Photo by Ginger Bristow Gaitor 2-27-12

Day 6: Opportunities to Grow: uh oh!

2012-02-27T07:53:00.001-05:00

Not another opportunity. I thought Challenges were rough. When I decided to take on this 40 day blog during the Lent season, I knew it was truly an opportunity to grow. I just did not realize it would as difficult as it is. I recall praying for patience one year. Now that was one that taught me a lesson. Be careful what you ask for!

I have done much better with my patience, but now I am more careful in my requests. I have so many areas that need improvement, and if this Lent time is an opportunity to grow, I hope I am up to the challenge.

Today I am just sitting and preparing for a busy day. Busier than usual. The sun is out and the warm weather is going to continue but we may actually get a little rain today. I am gathering my strength from the bird song behind me, and the continuing air show of a variety of birds. The water in the bird bath needs changed, so I had better at least do that.

I spent most of yesterday on the phone with family, and it was wonderful to talk to them all. But health problem abound around everyone. It was very draining. We are having company later this afternoon, so I will get busy soon.

I looked back at a blog at the end of Fall, and I saw how lovely the woods behind me had become. With the barrenness of leafless trees and vines, it is hard to imagine their beauty. Over the past two months, however, I have learned from these woods. The mild, snowless winter has allowed me to appreciate the beauty of winter in New England. My ferns are beginning to come to life. More on this tomorrow if I am more energetic than this morning.

Day 5: Opportunities to Grow: The greatest lightbulb in the world

2012-02-26T09:07:00.000-05:00

Sometimes a lightbulb goes on in our head. SMACK...palm to forehead. "What was I thinking?"

Our perspective

our opinions

our perception

get tangled like vines

on aging trees

Today is a new day, another opportunity to grow, to make up for our mistakes, to look at life with more focus and clarity.

A flash snowstorm clouds the gravestones nearby

Then the greatest lightbulb in the world calls us to renew our spirits


Sunrise illuminating more than gravestones offers new hope Photos by Ginger Bristow Gaitor, Feb 25 and 26, 2012

Day 4: Opportunities to Grow: Being Grandma

2012-02-25T09:29:00.001-05:00

My little granddaughter had her birthday not too long ago, and not being there was a sadness I only caring within me. I love her, and we are keeping in touch by the phone. When she heard it was Grandma Ginger on the phone, I heard her say she knew it was me, and she knew she had her package at home to open.

When she did get to the phone after they reached the car from her birthday dinner, she was so happy and fun. She is such a joy to me. She is small and sweet and loves me back. What more could a grandma ask for? Maybe a hug in person. That will come as soon as it is possible. I just want that little girl to know she made my day!

Day 3: Another opportunity to grow: Heading back to college

2012-02-24T11:27:00.000-05:00

Yesterday Bill puzzled his way through this poster at a local restaurant by reading the word Joe and asked if he could borrow me for a minute. He pointed at it. "Joe Cocker." I was so excited! So was he. He can sometimes read an all capital three letter word in large print. But things are changing. He put the whole picture together and did this on his own. We are breaking new ground.

While Bill acknowledges Joe Cocker has a terrible voice, he still loves to listen to him and recalls one particular concert with his brother Don on a weekend to the beach. It was a bonding experience Bill has never forgotten.

He has been accepted in the speech program at the local college and they will work with him twice a week, with the goal of teaching him to read. They need more medical information to find out how the initial TBI, strokes, seizures, hospital stays for pneumonia, with resultant lack of oxygen in his blood and to his brain, have all affected how his brain processes now.

He has been down this road before, but we are working with a very skilled Speech Pathologist who has some specific strategies she has been showing me behind the window in the observation room while he is working with the grad student. The three of them work well together and after this initial two week testing and evaluation period, they feel they can help him.

After a few weeks of training for my work with him at home, I will probably use the hour that he is in his session to do my physical therapy, and we can both accomplish goals. This will be a long-term project. Lots of juggling staff hours, rethinking goals, and hopefully gaining new strengths for both. We will continue to reinforce what he learns daily, and so far he has remembered his address, with daily drills.

As I look at the new AARP Magazine here on my desk, I see an article on age-proofing your brain. It is something we all need to begin to understand. The longer we live, the more brain puzzles we should be doing. As Hercules Poirot wisely said so many years in the Agatha Christie novels, we have to keep the little gray matter working.

So we are trying to organize our life around the new two day program, and while Bill and I head back to college, in different roles, we are still doing it as a team.

This is the song Bill asked me to post for Joe Cocker. We watch this video together, and often he sings it to me. It makes me smile.

Day 2: I've Been Havin' Some Hard Travelin', Lord...I thought you knowed!

2012-02-23T03:02:00.010-05:00

I guess we all have some hard traveling time from time to time. But these days, our lives are all touched by the economy, the decrease in jobs, wages, downsizing, staffing, medicare cuts, high insurance costs, high gas prices.

I often think these days of the depression of the 1930s that was such a part of the United States economy. I know it was part of the reason for the rise of Hitler in Germany, and how the people were so easily duped into believing that they were right.

This song by Woody Guthrie speaks to me of the end of greed, reaching out to a God I hope is there, who know the hard times that Bill and I struggle through. We are hanging in at this point. We have each other to talk with, walk with, make plans with. But it has its cost.

So for all of us, on day 2 of Lent, I am taking my hard travelin' times to the Lord and see what he has to say back. I can use his help.

Ash Wednesday: 40 day opportunity for growth

2012-02-22T08:38:00.000-05:00

One of the best memories I have of my Dad was him playing the bango and the piano. This is a song he played and sang all of my youth. I found it by accident looking for the story about the Blues Musicians at the White House last night, and President Obama singing. I think I thought my Dad made this song up!

A comment on the post was delightful, and perfect for the day after Mardi Gras, first day of Lent:

Reminds me of the story where the preacher ended his sermon saying, "I'm going to get the mayor to close every bar in town, take all the whiskey and dump it in the river. Now all rise for our last hymn." To which the choirmaster said, "Our last hymn today will be "Shall We Gather at the River."
musicmandon1

This song is a renewal of our baptism and rebirth. So as I begin a new journey, and continue on my caregiving journey, I say bless everyone today on Ash Wednesday and on your next 40 day journey.

Lyrics:

Shall we gather at the river,
Where bright angel feet have trod,
With its crystal tide forever
Flowing by the throne of God?

Refrain
Yes, we'll gather at the river,
The beautiful, the beautiful river;
Gather with the saints at the river
That flows by the throne of God.

On the margin of the river,
Washing up its silver spray,
We will talk and worship ever,
All the happy golden day.

Refrain

Soon we'll reach the silver river,
Soon our pilgrimage will cease;
Soon our happy hearts will quiver
With the melody of peace.

Refrain

Ere we reach the shining river,
Lay we every burden down;
Grace our spirits will deliver,
And provide a robe and crown.

Red Berry Clothesline

2012-02-21T08:41:00.000-05:00

Red berry clothesline

Photo by Ginger Bristow Gaitor

A New Day

2012-02-20T08:45:00.000-05:00

Newly pruned bush

promising sign of new life

branches are bare

but roots are strong

Angel Flying too Close to the Ground

2012-02-19T14:08:00.002-05:00

A farewell song to my dear friend's husband. He was kind and good,
and now he is flying above us all, free from the curse of Alzheimer's and its sadness.
His wife nursed him at home for the past five years.
"Love's the greatest healer to be found." Willie Nelson

Photo by Ginger Bristow Gaitor

Stuck in Old Lodi Again

2012-02-19T03:00:00.059-05:00

Hard times have hit many of us lately, I am sad to say. I knew Lodi well back in the 1970s. We didn't live too far away, and we had to drive through there to get to the City to shop. They use to have a petting zoo I took my toddlers to visit. And I remember a huge ORANGE shaped fruit stand, but that may have been further up the valley. Maybe someone out there remembers. It must have been built in the 1940s and is one of those iconic things that still exist, long past there usefulness. (See link below music)

Here's a song to go along with the Gnarly Head Old Vine Zin: Creedence Clearwater Revival...Stuck in old Lodi again. Hard to believe such good wine comes from Lodi! It's nice for me to remember, I'm still a California Girl at heart!

If you want to catch the John Fogerty acoustics perspective on his youth and the state of being stuck in Lodi, enjoy the version below.

I found a link if you want to check out the giant orange near Redding, CA built in 1946. http://scph.home.netcom.com/giant_orange/california_orange_stands.html

That's one gnarly tree, dude!

2012-02-18T03:00:00.071-05:00

Adj. 1. gnarly - used of old persons or old trees; covered with knobs or knots; "gnarled and knotted hands"; "a knobbed stick". gnarled, knobbed, knotted, knotty ...

Or could it be:

gnarl·y/ˈnärlē/

Adjective:

Gnarled.
Difficult, dangerous, or challenging.

When I first walked by this tree
while Bill was in speech therapy this week,
I knew I had to make it mine!

Gnarly, was all I could think. And then I began to think of all the ways
gnarly is used today. Communication is difficult for this very reason.
Bill and I are masters at using the same word,
both meaning something completely different.
We work on it daily, and recognizing it has helped.
We don't just clarify what we are saying,
we verify that we have it right. Or correct. Or accurate.
See what I mean?

One person will use a word meaning one thing, and the exact same word means
something so completely different to someone else.

It's gnarly. Caregiving is gnarly. Life is gnarly.

I don't know how many of you drink wine,
but Gnarly Head Old Vine Zin is excellent!
Hard to believe it's from Lodi, California
but it's really gnarly!

A tangled mass of branches and wood looks so different
when you take a step back...


Sometimes, we may be too close to see. Perspective gets lost so easily. Does the old adage work here: You can't see the forest for the trees? No matter what, that's one gnarly tree, dude!

Photos by Ginger Bristow Gaitor; Landscaping by College of St. Rose; Gnarly trees by Mother Nature

Sunset through barren woods

2012-02-17T07:26:00.001-05:00


Golden rays disperse through trees unclothed by nature heralding the night

Photo 2-15-12 by Ginger Bristow Gaitor

Sunrise This Morning

2012-02-16T07:22:00.002-05:00


As the sun wakes up a ball of fire fills the sky a skunk runs away

Photos by Ginger Bristow Gaitor

Ginger's Haiku for Today:

2012-02-13T16:02:00.001-05:00

Don't you just love clouds

Hanging in the sky like puffs

of cotton candy

Today the snow fell

Covered the car in crystals

Laughing in the sun

The day filled with stress

relieved by looking upward

clouds and blue converge

Photos taken today by Ginger Bristow Gaitor

Having company for dinner

2012-02-12T16:32:00.000-05:00

I wonder why I can't get anything done with this fellow outside my window eating berries.

After I cleaned the kitchen and got Bill up for dinner, I happened to walk by the patio again. The red caught my eye, and I guess I am just addicted to this guy. Bill sat and enjoyed the view for over half an hour while I tried to get some more housework done. We both feel blessed by these daily visits. My friend in Connecticut has four pairs in her backyard. How does she get anything done?

Photo by Ginger Bristow Gaitor

Phantom of the Opera: 10,000th performance today

2012-02-12T09:40:00.000-05:00

The Majestic Theatre, Manhattan! What a way to spend my birthday. I was a lot younger that night, but today is the 10,000th performance, my memories are so vivid of the marvelous performance. My first time in this theater was the summer of 1986, and I was with my two young sons watching the classic Arsenic and Old Lace, with Tony Roberts. Not long afterward, Phantom took over this location and has never left Broadway.

Congratulations to Andrew Lloyd Webber and all of the marvelous actors and actresses who have added so much joy to our lives. It was to this song that Bill and I shared our first kiss. A very special moment.

SARAH BRIGHTMAN & MICHAEL BALL & MICHAEL CRAWFORD-ALL I ASK OF YOU-THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA-THE MUSIC OF THE NIGHT-LYRICS TO ALL I ASK OF YOU:

No more talk of darkness,
forget these wide-eyed fears;
I'm here, nothing can harm you,
my words will warm and calm you.
Let me be your freedom,
let daylight dry your tears;
I'm here, with you, beside you,
to guard you and to guide you.

Christine (Sarah)

Say you'll love me ev'ry waking moment;
turn my head with talk of summertime.
Say you need me with you now and always;
promise me that all you say is true,
that's all I ask of you.

Raoul

Let me be your shelter,
let me be your light;
you're safe, no one will find you,
your fears are far behind you.

Christine

All I want is freedom,
a world with no more night;
and you, always beside me,
to hold me and to hide me.

Raoul

Then say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime;
let me lead you from your solitude.
Say you want me with you, here beside you,
anywhere you go, let me go too,
that's all I ask of you.

Christine

Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime.

Together

Say the word and I will follow you.
Share each day with me, each night, each morning.

Christine

Say you love me ...

Raoul

You know I do.
Together:
Love me, that's all I ask of you ...
Love me, that's all I ask of you...
Music: Andrew Lloyd Webber.
Lyrics: Charles Hart, Richard Stilgoe
Show: "The phantom of the opera" (1986).

A beautiful sunny afternoon

2012-02-11T16:23:00.000-05:00

We have had a relaxing afternoon followed by a lovely call from family. So tomorrow will be a new day and I thought of a song I love, by Andrew Lloyd Webber, Tell Me On a Sunday. I hope you will love this version as well. Pardon the fuzziness of the video.

I love Michael Crawford's voice, and as the wonderful Phantom of the Opera, I think he can sing just about anything. I first heard this song on a visit to the Mission District in San Francisco in the mid-1990s. We had been to see Phantom for the first time. A wonderful weekend. Then, fortunately, we saw it again on Broadway.

I went to the Virgin Music store near our hotel and bought everything I could find and afford at the time with Michael Crawford. We later saw a one-man-show, and I can still see him singing. There is something magical in his voice.

Yesterday morning and now this morning: Caregiving at its best and worst

2012-02-11T08:04:00.001-05:00


Snow Moon at 4 a.m., waiting for snow which came over night.

Sitting by the frozen pond in 22 degrees just because we could.


Geese walking on ice at end of the pond

The Secret Garden: Let the Magic Begin

2012-02-09T15:26:00.000-05:00

I was writing out Valentine cards for my grandchildren when I went to look for the stamps. This little guy had been in the bird bath, washing himself in preparation for Spring. We are all mixed up the Northeast. This has been the second mildest winter here that I recall since 2000. That was a warm winter, too. I don't know why I remember that, except I had started a new job and it sticks in my head as a warm year.

I am currently reading the classic tale, The Secret Garden, by Frances Hodgson Burnett, first published in 1911. If there was ever a tale to bring back to life a person who has been ill, and needs a kick in the pants to get outdoors, start breathing the fresh air and let nature work its magic. This little cardinal may just be named "Our Dickon" after the Yorkshire lad who is full of magic and shares it with two children who need his healing touch.

Now we all know I am no child. But after the long year of my poor health...I hear my friend Tess saying, not again!...it is time for me to let nature work its course and start to pull me upright and let me stand and get my legs strong. I have been trying to stand for two...both my husband and myself. With help, we are both going to let the magic begin to make us both stronger.

Now that I am clear, this is just a decision. No promises. Just goals, desires and dreams of magic taking hold and pulling us both toward wellness and joy. If "Our Dickon" wants to be part of this, as he has clearly staked a claim to my patio, he can. The flowers will be brought in soon, and we will all enjoy another Secret Garden, behind a wall, again soon.

Haiku for the day:

Walking near a door
red feathers splashed in water
where is my sweetheart?

Photo by Ginger Bristow Gaitor

Full Moon: Snow Moon

2012-02-08T05:34:00.000-05:00

Sitting at my desk

the snow moon shines over me

peacefully silent

According to the Olde Farmer's Almanac February's full Moon is traditionally called the Full Snow Moon because usually the heaviest snows fall in February. Not so this year!

Hunting becomes very difficult, and so some Native American tribes called this the Hunger Moon.

Other Native American tribes called this Moon the "Shoulder to Shoulder Around the Fire Moon" (Wishram Native Americans), the "No Snow in the Trails Moon" (Zuni Native Americans), and the "Bone Moon" (Cherokee Native Americans). The Bone Moon meant that there was so little food that people gnawed on bones and ate bone marrow soup.

I woke up around 3 a.m. and couldn't back to sleep, so I got up at 4, and decided to check email and Facebook. A friend had taken another incredible picture of the moon. I had no idea it was a full moon again. Where has this month gone? As usual, managing the system and trying to figure out what the doctor's are doing with medication levels in both of us. Another month of this will be more than either of us can handle. We need more time for walks, and sitting, and peacefully bird watching. Or as this morning, moon gazing.

So at a little after 4, I happily donned my robe and clogs and opened the patio blind to see a beautiful golden orb. It has continued to shine into the dining room window as I sit here. A sight well worth being up to behold. No clouds, no snow, just crisp and cold air. After I went out to snap a few shots, it was nice to view this golden orb from inside. It is a joy to have a relaxing moment with fresh air, nature, and be part of the peaceful silence when the city is the country again. As it descends, it is getting larger and brighter. But I am heading back in to enjoy the rest of the morning asleep if I can, happy to have not missed this snow moon.

I'll Be Seeing You...Gideon's Goodbye

2012-02-04T18:19:00.000-05:00

This song has always meant so much to us. This was from the final scene Mandy Patinkin did for the television show Criminal Minds. That moon still unites us wherever we are.

A bit under the weather

2012-02-04T17:28:00.000-05:00

I believe the cold outside does not add to a feeling of well being.
Perhaps the birthday celebration was too much excitement for us. I don't think so. We were in bed before 9. I think a bit of a bug, which might mess up my entire week, but I will get through.

My grandson lost his a front tooth today and so did my grand-niece. Now they are caught up with their cousins. The tooth fiery has had a busy week. My granddaughter has her first two coming in and looks so cute. She and Dad attended a father-daughter dance last weekend. Those fun days when the children are young, and life is so fun for them. I am happy that they are doing well.

My littlest granddaughter liked the remote control cars better than her brother! Her eyes and grin said that they are going to have to watch her behind the wheel! So much fun...

And then there is my oldest grandson. He got his driver's license last week. He mother warned the town, but we all know he will be responsible and safe. So that is all the news from the world of grandmother, today. A bit of a different blog, but they are never far from my heart.

Here is the Mrs. Keeping an eye on her guy!

2012-02-02T15:34:00.000-05:00

Groundhog Day 2012: Look who's back!

2012-02-02T15:00:00.000-05:00

I went out back to fill the bird bath with fresh water, and guess who was looking at me. I grabbed the camera and the little bugger posed! Happy Groundhog day. A surprise this year...six more weeks of winter. The surprise is the great weather we have been having. The cardinal's mate was with him today. They are quite the bold pair...sort of like we are.

One of those days

2012-02-01T16:01:00.000-05:00

Today is one of those days when you just want to throw in the towel. You wake up and spill your coffee, the bathroom toilet overflows, your outfit for the day is missing. Where are your keys? You have had them. I am looking into finding a way to stay in touch without spedning my life sharing about living with brain injury.The doctor says I need another outlet. We have a new part time aide and she will hopefully help if we get her again, and more than one day. Looking at two part time days. That and Bill's other people. I don't lack for people contact. Just not the right kind.

I am going to put some study into a new camera with a photo lens and hope I can manage to learn to use it well. I want to listen to some soothing music, exercise, get healthier and thinner at the same time, and try to do to make my life happier and better. You can't take care of someone else if you can't take care of yourself.

I will keep you posted. Here is a song to soothe us all.

Coming Out of the Closet: Confessions of a Former Soap Opera Junkie

2012-01-29T08:06:00.001-05:00

This is going to be a bit different than my usual Getting a Foothold. I hope WRAL won't mind me using this historic photo and linking to their page. Today I am looking back and sharing about a friend I met while working at WRAL with Jesse Helms in the early 1970s. What a time that was. The thing is, my friend Faye and I are still friends. Even though she is a bit older, not by much, she has a much better memory than I do, and she had me in stitches this week with some of the fun we had!

Like the time one of the guys from the TV station hypnotized me at a party, the promotion parties we worked for the new season, and the election of a United States Senator. Let's not forget the age of Star Trek. A show that only ran for three years, but later moved to syndication. I had to answer every phone call and write a letter in response to every fan of that early show. Jim Kirk and Spock were very popular in the early 1970s. In fact, they still are.

This first picture is a guy in a polyester suit with some great side burns, me with a mini skirt dress and some big glasses, Faye, and Nancy, my counter part in Public Relations at the time. Faye said she's the one in the big hair in the middle!

WRAL TV's Jesse Helms Viewpoint, on the nightly news during the 1960s and 70s.

Caregiving is a business you cannot do on your own. It takes friends, old and new, longtime and newly met. So please understand that going back to a different time is important to me now and then. Sometimes, as Bill says, the current reality sucks. I have to agree.

Two weeks ago, after 41 years, an ABC television soap opera, One Life to Live, aired its final show. In 1970, fresh out of college with my BA in English, I turned down a job to teach English for Wake County Schools, and was hired as a copy writer in Promotions and Public Relations for the then ABC affiliate, WRAL-TV Channel 5 in Raleigh, North Carolina. My husband was in grad school and I was taking night classes after a summer at Syracuse University to complete my graduate internship in Education.

Nancy, Ginger and Faye at the reception table for a fall promotion party sponsored by ABC for the upcoming season. The newest hit that season turned out to be Happy Days. I love the phone! It actually worked.

It was my work supervisor, Faye, who first introduced me to the show. During our lunch hour we stopped and ate in front of the television that was high on the wall in Faye's office. I was easily hooked on the show. Great characters, good plots and continuing story lines. And a break in the work and a chance to get to know my co-workers. As a Californian, I felt a bit out of place in the south, and Faye and Nancy made me feel part of their world. I had begun watching All My Children the day it first was televised, in January 1970. So One Life to Live was an easy add on to that habit. The television was on all day to monitor the station, so we weren't too our of line eating our lunch with it on.

Faye was the office manager, and Nancy and I had another office we shared. Both Nancy and I were both recent college graduates and Faye was a hardworking single mother of two sons, who taught us so much about life, love, the value of hard work, and friendship. Faye typed faster than anyone I had ever seen. We had the old fashioned typewriter back then, and while I struggled to get my copy out without errors, she zoomed along in there at a speed faster than lightening. We put together the company newsletter and she taught me the ins and outs of publication and the dreaded mailing aspects of it as well. We had our own print shop in the basement, and I loved those end of the month days when we did the mailings downstairs and could talk freely, getting to know each other without the bounds of the office walls, ears, and phones.

I have been watching One Life to Live, right after All of My Children, all of this time. Wherever I moved, my television friends came with me. They are no more. My first husband must have been born under a wandering star, because we moved across the country and around the state more times than I care to remember. But back to this story. After a few fits and starts, we settled down in Raleigh.

When I was in the hospital once, Faye called to see what I needed. I said, "bring up the chocolate." And she showed up with a whole cake! I bring this up because years later I saw a funny card and mailed it to her from somewhere I lived in California. It said, HELP, Send Chocolate. As soon as she received the card she was on the phone making sure everything was OK. When I heard that slow southern drawl with a hint of sarcasm, I knew it was Faye. The North Carolina accent is not very heavy, but it is distinct.Over the years we remained in touch through Christmas cards, and once or twice during the year. Eventually we both had email. Even today, chocolate is a secret code between us...well it's not a secret anymore.

Besides getting me hooked on a soap opera, Faye also got me a second job. As a single mother, Faye had to work two jobs to make ends meet. This was during the time when Jesse Helms, lovingly referred to by all of us who worked for him at WRAL, as Jesse, was running for the United States Senate for his first term. He was elected and the rest is history.

Faye worked at night at the campaign headquarters to close out the records and send receipts. I worked as her assistant at night until the office was closed. Neither of us supported the campaign. We just did the work, and I gained more skills. The university students in our married graduate student housing would have gatherings for political discussions, and maybe share a bottle of Boone's Farm Apple wine. They could not see how I could work for this conservative nut-case who was being bought and sold by the tobacco industry. For the money was my answer.

The Vietnam war was in full bloom, and we were looking for a way out. I learned from Faye that your vote counts, and mine was cast in that election for George McGovern. Only two in the entire television station that night. (That I know of.) And it was the same night Jesse Helms was elected and gave his first acceptance speech from the stage of WRAL. It was an exciting election night, and one I will long remember.

I saw this painting by Andy Warhol in the UC Berkeley Art Museum during the 1990s and fell in love with it. A few years ago Bil and I saw it during a Richard Nixon expo. Senator McGovern seems to like the painting too.

Faye started her own business as a court reporter, I became a stay at home mother of two sons, and Nancy went to work for an alcohol rehabilitation facility that was just opening. She soon divorced but I heard she later remarried and was happier. I hope so. As my sons got older, I went on to teach English in high school, got a second degree in Journalism and Communications, and worked in the public information field for many years.

The last time I heard from Senator Helms was during the Clarence Thomas/Anita Hill Supreme Court confirmation controversy. The Senator seriously attacked Ms Hill's credibility for her part in this discussion. I wrote to him in October, 1991, telling him not to be too hasty in his criticism of Ms Hill. That there was sexual harassment going on in the WRAL right down the hall from his office, and gave him the name of a reporter who would come in every afternoon and rub my neck and shoulders until I screamed at him one day to leave me alone and never touch me again. That stopped it.

The Senator responded after checking his memory and with staff to verify my facts. He agreed to look into it and said had he known, he would never had stood for it. I liked and respected the man. I never agreed with his politics.

Faye never remarried, raised two great sons, took care of her mother, and still does. So now that we are in our golden years, sharing new tales of life and laughter, still sending chocolate in the mail, an occasional phone call, I have to say, of all the friends from One Life to Live and All My Children that I drug around the country with me, Faye was the best! And the great news is, she was real, and she is still here.

She's here for me, for her mother, for her sons and their families. Thanks Faye for teaching me so many things about career, motherhood, life, and for the chocolate.

If there is anything that can make caregiving lighter, it's a box of chocolates from a friend. Who needs soap operas when you have real life friends like Faye. And she is only one of many I am honored to say. And there are many who feel as close and fond of Faye as I do.

To learn more about the golden age of television and the history of WRAL, visit their website on Google. They are currently a CBS affiliate.

Looking back to the 60s...

2012-01-28T19:59:00.000-05:00

Bill and I were listening to music after dinner and this song popped up. I have always enjoyed it, but this early version shows why these guys made it so big!

I saw The Jefferson Airplane in 1967 at my college, when no one really realized what was going on with the music revolution. I know I didn't. They were amazing to watch on a green grass softball fields, as a start up group. Hard to believe the censors of the Smothers Brothers show let this on air in 1967. Bill loves her voice.

I thought of Robert Frost Today

2012-01-27T18:06:00.000-05:00

It was just beginning to snow last night when I snapped this picture. We had about 2 inches suddenly and then it began to rain. I am hoping to figure out how to use this camera a little better. I think it has amazing capabilities, and I have a good eye. Now if I can just put the two together! Of course this pine tree stands about 30 feet above me and a good distance away. So all in all, I think it is not a bad shot. It is a focus, just for me, to help me build a kernel of a life for myself.

The world of caring for someone who has a seriously disabling condition can become all absorbing. I try to keep that from happening as best I can, but many days the management piece of spouse/caregiver takes over. Instead of feeling overwhelmed, I am focusing on challenging the excess energy into getting stronger and doing something fun. This little woods behind me offers so many opportunities.

There are days, like this past week, and most of the month, that I have been unable to leave Bill alone at all. So a walk out the back door into the woods is perfect for me. My cardinal gave us quite a song-fest this morning, and if he was not flirting with me, he was surely flirting with someone...probably his mate. Let's hope so anyway. I like to think he is thanking me for unfreezing the water in the bird bath, and he and his mate are having a hot tub while we sleep.

At this point you probably wonder where Robert Frost comes in. Of course, the usual stopping by the woods on a snowy evening, which is how I got this photo last evening. But in reality, the thought came to me from a photo sent in to our local news channel from Massachusetts today of birches, bent to the ground encased in ice. I so want to see that ice melt and the trees not snap, to stand tall again into the ice blue sky.

The ice in New England is fierce. And Robert Frost, a swinger of birches, knew it all too well. Hats of to you tonight Mr. Frost. Your New England and love of birch trees lives on. I know I have written of birch trees before, but today I can just see what I imagine to be a white-haired boy swinging from the top of the birch and landing on the ground. One certainly could do worse than being a swinger of birches.

Here is a reprint from poetry-online.org of the delightful poem by Robert Frost of a boy who was a swinger of birches.

When I see birches bend to left and right Across the lines of straighter darker trees, I like to think some boy's been swinging them. But swinging doesn't bend them down to stay. Ice-storms do that. Often you must have seen them Loaded with ice a sunny winter morning After a rain. They click upon themselves As the breeze rises, and turn many-coloured As the stir cracks and crazes their enamel. Soon the sun's warmth makes them shed crystal shells Shattering and avalanching on the snow-crust Such heaps of broken glass to sweep away You'd think the inner dome of heaven had fallen. They are dragged to the withered bracken by the load, And they seem not to break; though once they are bowed So low for long, they never right themselves: You may see their trunks arching in the woods Years afterwards, trailing their leaves on the ground, Like girls on hands and knees that throw their hair Before them over their heads to dry in the sun. But I was going to say when Truth broke in With all her matter-of-fact about the ice-storm, I should prefer to have some boy bend them As he went out and in to fetch the cows-- Some boy too far from town to learn baseball, Whose only play was what he found himself, Summer or winter, and could play alone. One by one he subdued his father's trees By riding them down over and over again Until he took the stiffness out of them, And not one but hung limp, not one was left For him to conquer. He learned all there was To learn about not launching out too soon And so not carrying the tree away Clear to the ground. He always kept his poise To the top branches, climbing carefully With the same pains you use to fill a cup Up to the brim, and even above the brim. Then he flung outward, feet first, with a swish, Kicking his way down through the air to the ground. So was I once myself a swinger of birches. And so I dream of going back to be. It's when I'm weary of considerations, And life is too much like a pathless wood Where your face burns and tickles with the cobwebs Broken across it, and one eye is weeping >From a twig's having lashed across it open. I'd like to get away from earth awhile And then come back to it and begin over. May no fate willfully misunderstand me And half grant what I wish and snatch me away Not to return. Earth's the right place for love: I don't know where it's likely to go better. I'd like to go by climbing a birch tree And climb black branches up a snow-white trunk Toward heaven, till the tree could bear no more, But dipped its top and set me down again. That would be good both going and coming back. One could do worse than be a swinger of birches.

Photo by Ginger Bristow Gaitor

Looking for a reason to smile: people we love.

2012-01-23T16:14:00.000-05:00

My son and I not too long ago. He is one of the lights of my world. A great trip to visit family. Gosh I look like my Aunt here! Some days caregiving is just about finding ways of having a positive outlook. This young man lives that. I envy him.

Good morning. Sunrise at the home of a 49er fan in NY

2012-01-22T07:29:00.001-05:00

It is beyond freezing outside but this was too nice to pass up. I know I am alive and breathing after dashing out to take this photo in 1 degree F. The chill is the air is invigorating. Getting ready for a rare football day in our house.

We loved the great days of San Francisco 49ers heyday in the 1980s and 1990s. Well, they're back! Go Niner's! It's not quite a Connecticut Yankee living in King Arthur's Court, but it is a SF fan living in NY.

And now the cardinal is calling...have to go!

Photo by Ginger Bristow Gaitor

"When Injuries to the Brain Tear at Hearts"

2012-01-21T07:16:00.002-05:00

Dear caregivers, family and friends,

I wanted to post a link to an article from the New York Times before it gets archived. A friend emailed me the article and thought it might be something to share on this caregiver page. I agree.

The article is very moving, and for those of us living with spouses who are not quite who they were before, it can be heart wrenching. And heart breaking. And sometimes there are positive changes and outcomes.

I don't know who out there will understand this, but sometimes either an illness that was untreated gets diagnosed and treated after a brain injury, or substance abuse or other problems might interfere with a person's ability to deal with life.

When a person suffers a brain injury, a whole team gets involved, medically, physically and neurologically. The New York Times article is about one couple and how they have managed to come from the beginning of their injury to the present.

In our life, Bill suffered from Major Depression, and this was undiagnosed to the extent of how it was affecting his life. His son came to me one day and told me things about his Dad's days at home I did not know. Bill would sleep all day, and when I called he said he was working or redoing a job in the basement, looking for work online, various tasks. His son told him to stop lying to me. I was grateful for him for doing this and for letting me know what he would see when I was at work.

Bill had been given a medication that was doubled, because it was not working. He had an adverse reaction to the larger amount. So instead of making him sleep, which he was trying to avoid, the medication threw him into agitation. His blood pressure rose and he had his first stroke.

Together his son and I tried to get Bill the help he needed for this, but it was beyond us. The physicians assistant who was prescribing drugs he did not have any business prescribing, made his depression worse instead of better.

Currently Bill is receiving treatment for the depression now, along with care for the deficits caused by the brain injury, including the seizure disorder that was a result of the first stroke. He is a cheerful pleasant guy, loved by just about everyone who meets him. He works hard at recovery and I am very proud of his hard work.

I, on the other hand, am his advocate, and sometimes that does not make me very popular with the system. It isn't a popularity contest, it's a way of life. Navigating chronic care that is cumulative is tough work. Effectiveness is the goal.

Bill tells me he has the easy job...sit back and let you take care of me. He's right. That is easier. But I know the pain in his heart behind those words. So daily, sometimes an hour at a time, we move forward rebuilding out life and trying to find happiness in a confusing world we never asked for.

I hope you will read the article linked above, if you are ready, and know that there is life after brain injury. One line really stood out to me: "...the reality of pain, and letting go of the past." A tall order but the only way through it.

Today is the sixth anniversary of learning to live with brain injury. I am happy that we have been given that chance. I am grateful we have survived so much of it. We don't know what is ahead, but day by day we will continue on the journey of living with brain injury together. The link seems to be causing people to be kicked off the page, but I would suggest going to the New York Times, and searching for the title of the article, when injuries to the brain tear at hearts. Thanks, and sorry for the confusion.

Remember Me....Bob Dylan with Joan Baez....Heaven

2012-01-16T19:28:00.000-05:00

Early Tour from Great Britain.

At a loss today

2012-01-16T17:19:00.000-05:00

Just too many things going wrong again today. It feels like Friday the 13th just followed me into the holiday weekend. The cold weather doesn't help.

All these doctor visits in a week and visits at home here don't make it any easier. I told Bill I just want to rent a NICE hotel room, big bed, big television, with MOVIES and all channels, and room service. Then I will unpack all my paperwork and get it done.

I added, "You can come too." So consider us on vacation...

Oh and one more thing for the pretend trip...warm weather, grandchildren, children, friends.

Sitting by the pond on a winter's day

2012-01-14T13:35:00.000-05:00

Before I returned home from my grocery store run, I stopped by the largest of our three lakes to see if my geese had flown south, or were still around.

We have lots of ice today, but no ducks, no geese. One bird flew down to say hello.

The path was clear and my little green bench was dry and waiting for me to sit and relax. Bundled up, I was not too cold. What a gift to sit alone and ponder the changes nature has made to this water in just a few days. The leaves I had so enjoyed in the Fall have blown away. One of the things I do like about living away from California is that the seasons really do change. There is no mistake today. Our little reprieve is over. Winter is upon us.

The only sign of wild life I noticed today was these tracks in the ice as I was heading back to my car. I wonder what kind of creature made them?

It only matters to me that I am warm inside, Bill is sleeping and that is what he needs right now. And I am smiling at having gotten a little time alone at my pond. The solitude in the cold, with not a sole in sight, was heaven. Just what my spirit needed. I gave myself a bear hug on my way back to the car. It's cold out there!

A day of joy with a Haiku by Ginger for the snow

2012-01-12T16:49:00.000-05:00

SNOW! Not too much but enough to make driving a bit slippery at first.

I am progressing slower than Dr. would like, but progress is better than regression.

Bill having special tests tomorrow, but all is all I think he will get his episodes under control again. He has the best disposition these days. Not sure how he does it, but I admire his attitude!

See you again soon. Just know, it's all good!

Haiku for today:

Follow the smooth path

And your heart will lead you home

Snow falling on birds

Photos in the backyard this morning by Ginger Bristow Gaitor
( Looking for bird bath heater for the birds!)